Defining Moment 3: Career
“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” -Steve Jobs
Ever since I accepted Jesus as my savior and realized that He had a plan for my life, I felt called toward three roles: a teacher, a wife, and a mother. I know those do not sound like earth-shattering, mountain-moving aspirations, but I truly believed and I still believe that the Lord was leading me to pursue these positions. He had already placed my future husband and soul-mate in life, so the next goal I needed to achieve was to become a teacher. My desire to become a teacher no doubt came from the Lord. I had a desire to help people, and I wanted to make a lasting impact on the world. What better way to do that than to teach kids? Becoming a teacher would definitely be a defining moment for me.
Making My Dream a Reality
I finished college in December shortly after turning twenty-three. For those of you in education, you know that a December graduation is not the best time for job hunting in education. Instead of getting a job right out of college, I had to apply to be a substitute teacher. I also began working on my master’s degree. Being a sub caused me to question my decision to become a teacher. I’m just going to say it. Subbing sucks. Students do not respect subs, and they think sub day equals free day. For those of you who sub on a regular basis, my hat is off to you. I admire your patience and your strength.
I subbed at several different schools over the course of a few months, and in my free time I was visiting schools, dropping off my resume, and applying for jobs online. I interviewed at several schools over the course of those few months, one of them being a very good school about twenty-five minutes from where I lived. I felt that my interview went well, but I wasn’t holding on to hope that I would get the job. The school was in an excellent school system, and I was sure that they would want someone with more experience.
A few days after my interview, I received a call from the principal who offered me the job of seventh-grade English teacher and JV cheer coach! I was over the moon! Looking back on that defining moment eleven years later, I can see God’s hand moving and creating a way for me to follow the path He set out just for me. I have been teaching at the same school, in the same classroom for ten full years. I am blessed to be a part of what I believe to be the best staff a school could possibly have with the most amazing students. Most days I can’t believe that I am able to do what I absolutely love each day and get paid for it! Being a teacher is not easy, and it is definitely not for the faint of heart, but it is the most rewarding career I could ever hope to have.
I went into education to make a difference in the lives of my students, but I never realized that God put me in education because He knew how much of an impact my students would have on me. Without even knowing it, my precious students have helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life. Their love for me and their energy for life inspires me each day to be the best version of myself. I read a quote somewhere that said, “If you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life.” This quote speaks truth to me. I genuinely love being a teacher. It’s more than a job to me; it is a huge part of my life. A defining moment.
Defining Moment 4: Infertility
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
Having settled into the first two roles that I felt called to (wife and teacher), I was then ready to assume the next role that I felt the Lord was calling me to, the role of being a mother. My husband and I had been married for two years and had taken two amazing vacations when we decided we were ready to start trying for kids. Everything else that I had aspired to achieve since I graduated high school had come fairly easily, so I just assumed that this would too. I had big dreams of having two kids by the time I was twenty-eight, thirty at the latest.
A Dream Deferred
However, God had other plans. After two years of trying for a baby with no success, I talked to my doctor. Some blood work and an exploratory surgery later revealed that there was no medical reason that was preventing me from becoming pregnant. We continued on with life, all the while hoping and praying that this month would be the month. We were met with disappointment time and again. A few months after I spoke with my doctor, he referred me to a fertility specialist. After more tests, I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility. He recommended a low-tech procedure that included taking some prescription hormones that would boost my chances of getting pregnant. We did this low-tech treatment six different times with no success. After years of fruitless trying, test after test, and now several unsuccessful attempts with the use of fertility drugs, I was beginning to lose hope. I wanted to be a mother so badly. I just knew deep down that I was meant to have children.
I dreamed about being a mom and having a family. This was a dream that I could not let go of. I read a poem in college entitled “A Dream Deferred” by Langston Hughes. I thought of this poem often. What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up, fester, sag, or explode? I felt that if this dream I had didn’t happen or go away that I might explode. I began having extreme anxiety to the point of having panic attacks. The pain and longing of wanting to be a mother but being powerless to make it happen were more than I could bear. Had it not been for the support of my husband, family, friends, and my students (even though they had no idea what was going on), I don’t know how I would have dealt with it.
My pain and anguish culminated in a moment of complete and total surrender one year on Mother’s Day. I was a few days “late”, so I took a pregnancy test. I waited impatiently, hopeful that I wouldn’t have to see that negative result once again. After the recommended amount of time, I checked and it was negative once again. In that moment, I fell on my face on my bathroom floor and cried out to God. I begged Him to either give me a child or take away my desire to be a mother. After four years of unsuccessful trying, I could no longer deal with the pain of wanting something so badly that I would never have. Looking back on things now, it seems to me that God was just waiting on me to completely give my situation to Him. Once I stopped trying to control everything, things started to fall into place.
My husband and I received a bigger tax return that year, so we had some extra money in savings. We had spoken with our fertility doctor about the possibility of IVF, but the cost was so high that we decided to forgo that option. However, one day on our way home from work, my husband suggested checking into IVF one more time. We called the next day, set up a meeting, and eventually met to discuss options. After our meeting, we realized that we could in fact afford the cost of IVF, so we decided to go for it. I began IVF treatments at the age of thirty, six years after my marriage to my husband, and four years after actively trying to have a baby.
Defining Moment 5: Becoming a Mom
When we began our IVF treatments, our doctor recommended transferring two fertilized eggs instead of one due to my age and the fact that we had tried to get pregnant for so long with no luck. I had always loved the idea of having twins, so I was up for it. Also, I really didn’t expect that both eggs would make it, and I wanted to do what was necessary to have at least one child. A few weeks after the procedure, I took a pregnancy test, and it was finally positive! I could not contain my joy! I was dancing and singing all over our little home. I couldn’t wait to tell all of our family and friends! After years of heartache, my joy was complete. I was finally going to be a mom.
We went to the doctor a few weeks later for my first ultrasound. During the ultrasound, we saw that both eggs had in fact made it. We were having twins! I’m pretty sure my husband went into mild shock. He couldn’t process much for the rest of the day. We were both so happy, excited, and completely terrified! Thirty-six weeks later, I gave birth to the two most perfect little boys in the whole world. I finally felt that I was exactly what God had called me to be; a teacher, a wife, and a mother.
Being a twin mom has been the hardest and most joyful experience of my life. I love my precious boys with a love that I never knew existed. God was faithful in all that He had planned for me. All I had to do was turn it all over to him.
Thanks for sticking with me through these defining moments of my life. I will be sharing more stories about my life as a wife, teacher, and twin mom. I hope these posts have inspired and encouraged you. I would love to hear about your defining moments! Please share in the comments below.
With love,
Shaley
Please check out my previous post to read about my other defining life moments!